As I start this post, I would like to start off by saying I don’t know where it will end up going, so if it seems a bit meandery (that’s probably not a word), then you know why.
All I do know is that right now, 1. I’m hurting, 2. that God is still calling me to write, and 3. I believe the best thing for me to do is rather than fake my happiness, is to be honest with where I’m at. I’d also like to make it known, that while I’ll probably end up talking about myself way too much, it’s only because I sincerely desire that through sharing my ongoing testimony God will be able to get some glory out of it, and that it would perhaps encourage my fellow brothers and sisters (that’s you!) to keep on keepin’ on…
2016 was, as I mentioned previously, the toughest year of my life, way more so than any year before. And this isn’t an exaggeration; I wish I could go into specifics, but it just was. Yet despite crossing over into 2017, and prophesies about things looking up this year, and turning from my previous failures to Jesus, if I’m honest…right now I just don’t feel any better. In fact, (in a way that made me laugh as I wrote this), I think I actually feel worse!
Why?
Why would God allow me to be in this position? Why would he allow me to make those mistakes? Why wouldn’t he shield me from this hurt, and that hurt?
Well, I suppose firstly, suffering is what matures and grows us as Christians…
But what about when that isn’t enough? I’ve heard that so many times, as if it’s some cure for my pain. As if the knowledge that I’m growing will somehow bring me back the friendships and relationships I’ve lost, or take back my stupid mistakes, or heal the things in my life that are broken and hurting.
But actually, now that I think about it, I believe that God is, in a most beautiful way, teaching me about true faith…
I guess true faith doesn’t only believe when things are good. Neither does it only believe when you can see where you’re going.
True faith is trusting God even when everything fleshly says you shouldn’t – aka, “the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen.” True faith is believing even when you don’t want to. True faith is continuing to seek God and fight for change and praise Him for He is worthy, and true faith, crucially, is not dependent on our circumstances, our position, our health (look at Job for those 3), or our sight!!
Apart from this truth, it’s not impossible that sometimes we may not be able to ascertain God’s exact reasoning behind our suffering at times. But I suppose that’s the point. Faith doesn’t bother with looking for an answer, to a certain degree, because faith knows “that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.”
But in case you’re having trouble believing this, just read the word. It’s full of encouraging promises that God has not forgotten you, and that things will be okay. Here are some personal favourites…
Jeremiah 29:11
Psalm 34:18
Philippians 1:6
Philippians 4:6-7
I pray God uses my ramblings to encourage you. Above all, beloved, remember that even when you feel down, and when you feel there is no hope, that God rescued you when you were hopeless, before you loved Him, before you even knew Him, before you were even born! When you deserved nothing. So humbly accept God’s love, relax, and let Him fill you with His Faith, Joy, and the Peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, as you study His word and worship Him in your quiet times.
Bless you Caleb. My 2016 wasn’t great either. In my personal experience and watching others too, suffering either drives people away from God or towards him. Resolve to run to him my friend. Don’t drift away. Well done for writing so honestly. I pray that as you seek Him with ALL YOUR HEART that you will meet him. And that you will realize that him being with you makes all the difference in the world!